Everyone Wins

 Dishes piled up in the sink and baskets of unfolded clothes greeted me as I walked through the door one late Tuesday evening. My husband would be home soon, and the last thing I wanted him to see was the house in disarray. My three teenage daughters sat in the living room watching a show, unfazed by the mess. I asked Candace, one of my daughters who was sitting on the couch, to unload the dishwasher so I could load it.

“Sure, Mom, no problem.” She headed toward the kitchen. I looked over at my other teen, Lizzie, and asked her to fold a load of laundry that was piling up, but I was met with immediate resistance.

“I did a load yesterday; it should be Rena’s turn, “ referring to her other sister.

I now understood why the house was in disarray. None of my kids had taken the initiative to take on chores unless they were assigned or fairly distributed. I had not set up my house as a democracy. A smidge of resentfulness emerged because  they would not take it upon themselves to see that a task needed to be done. This was partly my fault because I had failed to set up a schedule and routine.   But I also realized I had failed at something bigger; I hadn’t taught them the value of self-initiation.  I had expected they would  “just know.”

That night, after my husband arrived home, we had a family meeting to discuss the issues. The girls acknowledged that chores needed to be done, but with busy schedules, none had communicated, and there was also the belief that if they did tasks individually, the other siblings wouldn’t be held accountable.  “Why should I do chores when the others don’t do half as much?” became the shared view. As we tried to resolve the issue and emphasize regular chore completion, one of my daughters suggested a schedule in which they rotate by date on the calendar.  While I was not opposed to this idea, it still didn’t address the problem of self-initiation. They would continue only out of obligation, but not because they saw the need.

Thinking about this the next day,  I shared my frustration in a phone conversation with my friend Scarlet. Before I could finish telling her the whole story, Scarlet finished the conversation with one phrase.

“Everybody wins.”

“What did you say?”

“Yeah, that’s the motto in my house.” Scarlet’s life was in a different season of parenting.  With three at home under the age of six.  She had adopted the motto, everyone wins. Fights over who won at Candy Land and who got selected to pick the story for bedtime would erupt. She emphasized that no matter who works hard or is celebrated, it isn’t a single victory or defeat; when everyone participates, we all share in it. Essentially, what Scarlet conveyed was that, in a family, there is no individual success or individual struggle. Family implies more than one; therefore, the problems and the rewards are shared. This simple idea stuck with her young children. Why hadn’t I thought to do something so simple for my own family?

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have; God is pleased by sacrifices of that kind.  Hebrews 13:16

I thought about this and realized she was right. When someone doesn’t do the chores, everyone suffers, but when someone does, we all benefit.  And when we have individual successes, this is still a shared reward, like when my youngest received an academic award at school; we all celebrated her efforts even though we hadn’t achieved them ourselves. Doing chores or any action for that matter was shared when family was involved. This type of thinking needed to be embraced in my family.

As I reflect on this phrase, everyone wins it reminds me of the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15:11-32. Jesus shows how the Father mourns his lost son but immediately celebrates upon his return, slaughtering his prized animal and throwing a party. The resentful, devoted older son had served out of obligation and expected a reward for His devotion. The Father reminds, “What is mine is already yours. He was once lost but is now found,” implying we all win.  Whenever we serve God, we win, and whenever we return to Him, we all win, because God does not keep the reward to Himself.

This is a reminder to me that we cannot stop working toward the reward of Heaven simply because others are not doing their part. We pray for them, we sacrifice without praise, and we work for the kingdom. Jesus shows us that sincere generosity done without seeking applause or praise carries a direct reward from God, and when we do this, we bear great fruit; everyone wins. 

I hung up the phone that day and adopted this motto for my family. While schedules and better communication were also added, I reminded my children that their efforts were not about their own praise or glory, nor should they be done out of spite. Our chore debacle would not be perfect, but adopting the motto "everyone wins" helped give our family more perspective and humility, and it taught me to share the mindset of the end game.

Ultimately, our family is the reward. And just like the gates of Heaven, when one sinner is redeemed, everyone is cheering inside. Everyone wins.

How can you adopt the everyone wins, philosophy in your life? Would love to hear about this in the comments or send me an email.

Also, if you've found this helpful, send it to a friend who needs to hear it too.

Andrea