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August 30th my dad passed from this world...

andreabearauthor

 

On August 30th, my dad passed from this world. Seeing him take his last breath, his soul transfer to his eternal home. I was given the most amazing gifts to seeing him meet Jesus.


Our road together wasn’t always an easy one. We're both strong-headed. But in the last year,  through prayer, forgiveness, and acceptance, I grew to love and understand my father. As a dad he only wanted what was best for our family yet he didn’t always know how to convey it. He was never short of words, he didn’t always speak the words I understood, yet he always spoke from his heart.


Be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD, your God, is with you wherever you go. Joshuah 1:9



For close to fifteen years my dad struggled with the diagnosis of muscular dystrophy.  Everyday, he worked to keep going. Yet I feel he acknowledge one day, his time would come. From the strong, athletic, physically fit man he was, to the wheelchair bound, helpless body that lay before me, his soul remained unchanging. It was one of the strongest I will ever encounter in my lifetime. I never understood that concept of strength. I guess, my idea of strength would be to accept what God had for me and just let go. I always took his stubbornness as not wanting to accept. But maybe he knew all along. He just needed to keep going until it was the right time. He had to persevere until the end.




The last days of my dad’s life he accepted what God put in front of him. When he could no longer feed himself and his body began to shut down,  instead of complaining or wishing there was another course, his strength revealed itself. He was there to console everyone. He was there to accept what was to come. He showed great love and care to each person who came to see him. There is this great peace in me that he had a holy death. He helped me accomplish certain goals in life. Not material goals, but eternal goals. He taught me to love. He taught me forgiveness. He taught me to persevere in the muck and hardness of life. He helped me to rely on God.


He taught me many lessons, directly and indirectly. But the most important one; He taught me to carry my cross. And with the Cross there is always love and mercy.

There were many graces that have come over me and my dad this year. And as I look back, I’m in complete wonder in awe at the work God did. Which makes me think there is so much more in store...


I miss my dad greatly. I look back over the years we spent together without my mom. I sometimes wish I had stopped filling the room with my noise and annoyance I felt in those first few years and just enjoyed the man who had been placed in front of me instead of trying to make him the man I thought he needed to be. But I’m so grateful that God gave me a little more time to reconcile. I was able to see the kind, strong, loving, loyal and devoted father And maybe a little time was all God needed for me to see...


Dad did what he was suppose to do.  He had completed his job here and his soul can now rest at ease.  

Now, I imagine my mom and dad are driving around overlooking some miraculous scenery in Heaven together. My Dad is in the driver seat taking too many pictures, while my mom is in the passenger seat drinking a Starbucks and they are driving around taking in the wonders of God.


While my Dad's book of life on Earth has finished, he played a huge role in my book, and my story is not complete. My sentences of grief are not marked with a period only a comma. As I restart the year of “grief  firsts” (first for my Mom now for my Dad), I hope to sit in this space and try not to run from it but rather think back about his life, my Mother's life and take in the peace. I pray God will help me not get so antsy and help navigate these waters. Only heaven knows.  


As ironic as it may seem we gain so much more in death than we lose.



If you’ve got to the bottom of this page thank you for following the start of my grief journey. As stated, death has more gains than losses. In all my trials over the years, I have gained abundant lessons. What  started with hate, envy, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, turned into love, forgiveness, joy, hope, peace, and thanksgiving. I’m grateful that my Dad taught me so much these past few years. I’ve gained a great deal directly and indirectly because of these.  


Follow my journey on my Catholic Grief Podcast with my cohost Jennifer Thomas. Mourning Glory Podcast



I love you Dad, keep praying for me in Heaven. Until we meet again.

 

In Memory of Robert Anthony Kapina May 3, 1949-August 30, 2024.


Eternal Rest, Grant Unto Him O Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon him, may he rest in peace. Amen.

 


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